There is a whole genre of advice about dating successful people, and most of it is written by people who have not done it. It leans on stereotypes: that established men want decoration, that established women want a mirror image of themselves, that everyone with a demanding career is emotionally unavailable. Spend time on a luxury dating site and a different picture emerges. Here is what successful members consistently say they want, in their own words as far as we can paraphrase them.
1. Someone who is interesting on their own terms
The most common thing we hear is a version of "I want someone with their own life." Successful people have spent years being the most interesting person in most rooms, and it is tiring. They want a partner who has opinions about things they know nothing about, who has friends and projects and plans that do not revolve around them. Ambition is attractive to them not because it matches their own, but because it means you will not be waiting by the phone.
2. Ease
A demanding career comes with a great deal of friction: negotiation, management, performance. What successful people want at the end of that day is the opposite. Not passivity, but ease. A partner who is comfortable in a good restaurant and equally comfortable ordering takeaway. Someone who does not need managing. This is why "low drama" appears on so many profiles. It is clumsy shorthand for a real preference.
3. Discretion
People with public roles, or simply with a lot to lose, care deeply about who knows what. They notice whether you post everything, whether you talk about your exes in detail, whether you can be trusted with a confidence. On Sugurr, this is one reason the private gallery and hidden-member features matter so much. Discretion is a character trait first and a feature second.
4. Directness
Successful people make decisions for a living, and they find indecision draining in a partner. Say what you want. If you would like to see them again, say so. If the date was not for you, say that too, kindly. Members tell us that clear communication is rarer, and more appreciated, than almost any other quality.
5. Warmth
This one surprises people. The assumption is that successful men and women want polish. In reality, many of them are surrounded by polish all day and are starved of warmth. The person who asks how the meeting went, remembers the name of the difficult client, and laughs easily is the one they call again.
The myths, briefly
- "They want someone younger and less accomplished." Some do. Most want someone they can talk to. Age and achievement matter less than the conversation.
- "They are looking for a trophy." Attractiveness matters on a luxury dating site, as it does everywhere. But a trophy sits on a shelf, and nobody wants a partner who sits on a shelf.
- "They are too busy to commit." They are too busy to waste time. That is different, and it is why they are on a site with verified members and clear intent in the first place.
What this means for your profile
If you want to meet successful partners, show a life, not a wish list. Write about what you do and care about, be honest about what you want, and let warmth show through the words. Our guide to writing a profile that attracts successful partners goes through this line by line.
And if you are the successful one reading this, wondering whether anyone will see past the job title: they will, on the right site, with the right profile. Sugurr is free to join and built for exactly that.