On a luxury dating site, the first date often happens somewhere with a tasting menu and a sommelier. That is a pleasure, and also a small test of poise for both people. The good news is that fine dining etiquette is mostly common sense dressed up in tradition. Here is what actually matters, in the order the evening happens.
Before: the booking
Whoever suggests the restaurant books it, under their own name, and confirms the time by message the day before. Choose somewhere you know or have researched properly. A first date is not the night to gamble on a new opening. If your date has mentioned a dietary preference, a quick call to the restaurant beforehand is the kind of detail people remember.
Book for a time that allows a drink first. Sitting straight down to a menu with a stranger is harder than a glass at the bar while you find your rhythm.
Arriving
Be five minutes early, never more than that, and never late. If you are unavoidably delayed, message with an honest time. At the table, phones go away entirely. Face down on the table is not away. A phone that appears during dinner says the other person is optional, and successful people notice.
Ordering
- Take the menu seriously, briefly. Two minutes of quiet reading is fine. Ten minutes of deliberation is not.
- Order something you can eat gracefully. This is not the night for a whole lobster or spaghetti in a white shirt.
- Match courses. If your date orders a starter, order one. Eating while someone watches is uncomfortable for both.
- Ask the staff. Asking a waiter what they recommend is not a weakness. It is what the waiter is for, and it shows you are relaxed.
Wine
If you know wine, choose with a light touch and ask your date's preference first. If you do not, say so cheerfully and ask the sommelier to suggest something in your range. Pretending is the only real mistake. When the bottle is presented, the taste is to check the wine is sound, not to perform. A nod is enough.
During: the conversation
The food is the setting, not the subject. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Avoid exes, money and anything you would not say in front of the person's mother. A luxury dating site has already established what you both want; the date is for finding out whether you like each other.
Pace yourself. Fine dining runs long, and the second hour is where dates are won or lost. If the conversation is good, let the meal stretch. If it is not, there is no obligation to order dessert.
Small things that are not small
- Thank the staff, by name if you catch it. How someone treats a waiter is the oldest character test there is, and it still works.
- Napkin on the lap when seated, on the chair if you step away, on the table when you leave.
- If you must leave the table, say "excuse me" rather than announcing where you are going.
- Do not photograph the food on a first date unless your date does first.
The bill
This deserves its own article, and we wrote one: who pays on a luxury date. The short version: whoever invited, pays, without a scene, and the other person offers once, sincerely. Nobody argues over a bill at a good restaurant.
After
Walk out together. Say clearly whether you would like to see them again, that night or by message the next morning. A good first dinner does not need a clever follow-up, just an honest one.
Looking for the right person to take to dinner? Join Sugurr, where the first date is the point of everything that comes before it.